Dating and grieving
The message I received from Jan, a new widow with three children still at home, was especially touching: "It's been over five months since Phil passed away," she wrote."My life with three kids is busy as ever, and I'm finally beginning to work at my weaving and spinning again, but the grief and guilt still hit hard nearly every day. As you said, no one to talk to, hug, share with, and it hits you over and over that it will be that way the rest of your life." To Jan and other widows who feel the same way, I would say this: Its a mistake to think your life as you know it now is always going to be just as it is at the moment.John Piper is founder and teacher of desiring and chancellor of Bethlehem College & Seminary.For 33 years, he served as pastor of Bethlehem Baptist Church, Minneapolis, Minnesota.It was all the acquaintances and strangers I didn’t want to have to chat with and explain my story, again and again, as profound changes began to take place in my life.This idea of other people’s reactions became a major topic of conversation at grief support sessions.
My first stab at online dating was a couple of months ago, on Plenty of Fish.How can I be happy, or excited about something, when he is gone and never coming back? Although some of us will surely end up alone for the rest of our lives, there are worse things than living alone.More important, however, is that we should not presume to know the mind of God or his plans for the rest of our lives merely because we dont have a clue about this ourselves.Pat who had a friend tell her, “Get over it already, it’s been long enough,” told how she lost that friend when she said angrily, “I’m not ready.
Don’t tell me how to feel.” And Rita M., whose friends avoided calling because she kept crying on the phone, eventually understood that they couldn’t cope with her intense grief, so she stopped taking those calls. How dare supposed friends act as they did, we thought collectively.If only they really knew what we were going through, they’d become empathetic and know exactly what to say, to ask, to do — and also what NOT to say and do.